Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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