Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
So much Jack, so little girl.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
