I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
