Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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