Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
