I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
