Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
