I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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