I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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