So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
