I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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