She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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