Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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