I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
