Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
