I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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