and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
