I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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