even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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