1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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