so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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