Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize
