So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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