hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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