I didn't shave. On purpose
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I don't deserve a penis
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
