Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
did i just pee glitter
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
