I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
