Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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