How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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