i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My vagina is officially offended.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
