I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
