oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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