either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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