i already hear my dad disowning me
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You ate ashes out of my bong
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
