I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
