consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Randomize
