Im at strip club and am horny
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
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