I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
