There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
How does one acquire holy water?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
