Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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