He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
This is the high leading the old right now
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
