You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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