So drunk its hurt
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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