The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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