i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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