Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
cat food counts as protein by the way
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
