you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
