i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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