Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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