she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
