Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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