He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
